An honest post

So I promised some people that I would be honest in this blog about the bad times and not just the good.

So far this trip has had its good and bads. Little things such as giant spiders on webs in our jungle hut, upset stomachs, toenails under pillows, ants on food. To bigger things like flights landing elsewhere due to poor weather, slight whiplash when white water rafting. But I’ve gotten over them pretty well and most of them I’ve shrugged off and laughed about.

But one thing that is hard and concerns me is anxiety. On a rough boat ride to another island I had a panic attack. Since that day I have had moments of panic that feel like they could grow into attacks. I had to leave the sea in Nusa Lembongan because it was quite rough and I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart was going too fast. Then on a plane to Java we went through some turbulence and the dread and panic set in.

In these times deep breathing, music, closing my eyes and thinking about totally unrelated things has helped me to get through it and decreased my heart rate. But it does unsettle me.. I am concerned that it might continue through this journey. Maybe get worse. It seems to be the uncontrollable that is the underlying cause to my panic. And the truth about travelling is that there is a LOT of uncontrollables. Lots more planes and boats…

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One thought on “An honest post

  1. I’m not surprised you got a panic attack on a rough boat ride, or in turbulence for that matter – it sounds terrifying. You are a LONG way from home and experiencing so many new things all at once, and like you say in your posts there are so many things that are just strange, unknown and uncontrollable. Sounds like you know what the triggers are likely to be for you, and for that matter how distraction can be effective… You can’t fly the plane or drive the boat, but you can be in control of where you put your attention lady. The pre-anxiety won’t cease, but if you expect it and know what to do about it, that is a powerful tool to carry with you. And remember in the grand scheme of things the anxiety CAN”T continue indefinitely. It will come down.

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